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Apologies now, no offence meant.




An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar.
<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;">They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner.
<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;">He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad.
<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;">They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: 'My God, it's Jesus!'
<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;">Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint.
<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;">Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a
<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;">Pint of bitter.
<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;">Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another.
<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;">After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.
<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;">He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness.
<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;">When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: 'My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone.
<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;">It's a miracle!'
<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;">Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager.
<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;">As he lets Go, the man's eyes widen in shock.
<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;">'Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's A Miracle.'
<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;">Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says,
<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;">'Back off, mate, I'm on disability benefit.
<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;">'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;">A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the
<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;">Counter and said 'Hi, I'm looking for a job'.
<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;">The man behind the counter replied 'Your timing is amazing. We've just got One in from a very wealthy man who wants a
<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;">Chauffeur/bodyguard for his Nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their Overseas holidays. The
<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;">Salary package is £200,000 a year'.
<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;">The scouser said 'You're bullsh*tting me!'
<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;">The man behind the counter said 'Well you started it!'
<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;">''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;">Police cordoned off Liverpool City Centre this morning when a suspicious object was discovered in a car.
<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;">It later turned out to be a tax disc.
<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;">'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: rgb51, 51, 51; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; : rgb225, 235, 242;">




Edited by: uncletone
 
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